dear god does my stomach ever hurt

Uh, hi folks. It's me, The Haiku Master, but I'm not feeling so hot right now... because I ate way too much Halloween candy today!!

If The Haiku Master Had Limited Himself To The Candy Shown Here, His Stomach Probably Wouldn't Hurt As Much

Sadly, I had no choice -- between my own trick-or-treating efforts and my cut of the Haiku Street Irregulars' monty haul, I had a veritable mountain of candy at my disposal. Not being the type to waste food, and having no idea what kind of expiration date that stuff carries, I didn't want to take any chances. So I ate 'til I could eat no more, leaving my belly feeling like a lurching, twitching, rubber sack that's been filled to the brim with half-digested Halloween candy!!

Unfortunately, this means I won't even be able to look at candy for months. The rest won't go to waste, though; I've instructed the Haiku-Bot to ship it to an Ethiopian orphanage, where the abandoned children will no doubt put it to good use. And with so little candy left, and so many kids to feed, I'm not worried about it having the same adverse effect on them as it had on me!

Ethiopian Kids Are Already Lining Up For All The Sweet Halloween Candy They're About To Get From The Haiku Master

Okay for now, 'ku believers -- time for the Pharaoh of 5-7-5 to strategically position himself on Castle Haiku's true throne, a stack of comic books and bottle of Pepto Bismol within easy reach!

Best,