happy halloween

Boo!!! Ha ha ha -- don't be scared, fan club members! It's just me, The Haiku Master, playing a little Halloween trick on you! Plus, I have some good news: thanks to the zombicillin I picked up at the free clinic, I'm no longer afflicted with zombieism!!

That's right! The doctor gave me a clean bill of health earlier today, which means I won't be craving brains again anytime soon. Still, it's not like being a zombie was all bad. Heck, I even managed to land this lucrative endorsement deal as a result (I hope I don't have to eat any actual brains to fulfill the terms of the contract, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it):

Brains: The Only Snack Endorsed By The Zombie Haiku Master

Either way, I'm glad it's behind me... and not a moment too soon! For as everyone knows, tonight is the night they give out the free candy -- and the Sultan of Syllables isn't about to miss any free candy!!! Sure, the Haiku Street Irregulars will give me a cut of whatever they bring in, but that won't keep me from trying my luck around here. Nor will it stop me from ordering the Haiku-Bot to give a stern toilet-papering to any houses that don't give up the loot!

That's no threat, friends; it's a promise!

Best,

braaainsss

Braaainsss.

Brains

Braaainsss!!!

Braaainsss,

'isss ssstuff be'r w'rk

Gahrrrr. Isss meee, Th' H'ku Maaassstr. Meee am def'nitely zombieee. Laaady a' freee clin'c tol' meee.

The Haiku Master (Foreground, Left) Waits His Turn At The Local Free Clinic

Sheee g'v' meee med'sssin. Sssay taaaaake it, feeel bett'r 'morrow. Meee hooope sssooo. Meee waaan' eeeach'yer braaainsss!!!

Bessst,

i want to eat your brainsss

Brainsss... I mean, hello loyal readersss. It'sss me -- at leassst, it'sss kind of me -- The Haiku Massster, and I mussst warn you that I'm not feeling ssso well right now.

Sssee, I wasss out fighting zombiesss lassst night, like I do every "Hallo-weekend." Asss alwaysss, the walking dead were no match for the Pharaoh of 5-ss7-5. Unfortunately, one of them managed to ssscratch me on the wrissst towardsss the end of the battle. I didn't think much of it at the time, but when I woke up thisss morning, I looked like thisss!!!

The Haiku Master Felt Like Crap When He Woke Up This Morning

Plusss, I'm hissssing my essssesss, and have a conssstant hankering for brainsss... sssweet, sssweet brainsss!!! All of which are textbook sssymptomsss of zombieisssm!

I don't want to russsh to any conclusssions, but I am going to get myssself checked out at the free clinic. In the meantime, if you sssee me coming down the ssstreet, better play it sssafe and duck down an alley!

Bessst,

more zombies than you can shake a stick at

Howdy folks. It's me, The Haiku Master, freshly returned from my nightly patrol of Charm City -- where the streets are thick with zombies, as they are every year during Halloween Weekend!!!

A Pack Of Bloodthirsty Zombies Rushes The Haiku Master (Foreground, Right)

To make matters worse, these aren't your father's zombies. Historically, thwarting the walking dead was simply a matter of keeping up a brisk pace while swatting at their heads with the weapon of one's choice; in my case, my trusty 1-iron. But these days, those suckers are fast!

Frankly, I blame it on 28 Days Later. Not to mention that high-gloss Dawn of the Dead remake! Whoever directed those movies should be run out of town on a rail. I mean, what kind of traitorous humans make zombie empowerment flicks?!

No matter though -- the Sultan of Syllables is still more than a match for a bunch of stupid zombies, regardless of how quickly they move! In fact, I took down more than 50 earlier tonight while rescuing the nice people seen in this photo:

The Haiku Master (Left) Takes A Break From Fighting Zombies To Comfort A Group Of Human Survivors

Of course, not all zombies are bad. Take my close, personal friend, Zombie Gary Hart. The onetime presidential hopeful may have a head full of worms these days, but he's still a dreamer with a powerful message. If he could just learn to stay away from the "Monkey Business" -- wink wink, nudge nudge -- he might just make it to the Oval Office one day.

From Left: Zombie Gary Hart And The Haiku Master

Okay for now, kids. Fighting zombies is tiring work, so it's time for your hero to hit the hay. Catch you on the flip side!

Best,

market research be damned

Rejoice, proud warriors! 'Tis I, The Haiku Master, ready at last to throw off the yoke of minutiae that drove me to the brink of madness... and proudly declare a new age of High Adventure!!!

That's right! You'll find no more "mundane details" on this site, no matter how popular that format is with "blog" readers (and writers) the world over. For the Pharaoh of 5-7-5 isn't here to make friends and influence people, gentle readers; he's here to thrill you, chill you, and rock you like the hurricanes you are! Whether you like it or not!!

Just Like Players Club Founder Telly Savalas (Right), The Haiku Master (Left) Longs To Be Where The Action Is

Not to mention the fact that Halloween is this Monday, which means zombies will be out in full force all weekend long. And there's nothing mundane about whipping a pack of zombies into submission while they feverishly try to eat your brains, believe you me!

Best,

this 'no adventure' thing is harder than i thought

Hrmm. H-hey. It's m... um, yeah. Right. No action. Just talking about the trivial stuff that makes us human. Th-th-that's what "blogging's" all a... all about. Yes! Yes yes yes.

So I'm not going to tell you about something that just happened to me as I was taking out the trash. I won't say a word about how Old Man Winter -- who is most definitely "off his meds," if the Sultan of Syll... I mean, if I'm any judge of character! -- just tried to jump me, zapping me in the rear end with his weird weather powers. And I definitely won't speak of the massive wedgie I gave him in retaliation, forcing him to flee in that obnoxious snowmobile of his!

Old Man Winter Shows Off In Front Of Castle Haiku

Th-that would be... too much action... for a "blog." You know, based on my m-m-m-market r-r-r-research and all. S-s-so, let's see. How 'b-'bout them baseball teams p-playing for th-the Baseball Cup, huh? They s-sure are disrupting the h-h-h-h-h-hell out of Fox's regular programming, huh?

Oh, there is some good news: I pooped after my encounter with O.M.W.! Ginchy, huh? That's it, nice and conversational. Just the trivial stuff that makes us human. That -- oh yes, that is the ticket.

worrying about a friend

Hey everyone, it's me, The Haiku... Dammit! I keep forgetting that you're not supposed to introduce yourself in every "blog" post -- not if you want to be a professional "blogger"! And believe you me when I say there's nothing I want more. In fact, here comes some more traditional "blogging" to prove it!

So anyway, I'm kind of worried about my friend Old Man Winter. Well, he's not really a friend so much as someone I hang out with every now and then. Sometimes, when he's "off his meds," we fight.

Old Man Winter (Seen Demonstrating His Sub-Zero Breath) Can Be Downright Dangerous When He's "Off His Meds"

Lately, I've been a little worried that he's off them, because he's been acting cranky. Take yesterday for example. He ran around town all day, yelling and screaming and spitting and zapping unsuspecting passersby with his witchy winter powers... whoa, I just realized I came dangerously close to providing you good people with some action in this post. And everyone knows "blogs" aren't supposed to be action-packed!

I better get out of here before I mess up again. Oops, I almost forgot! I had a tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwich a couple of hours ago, thanks to the Haiku-Bot. It really went great with a cold glass of beer, lol! But my no-pooping problem is back; hopefully I'll poop again tomorrow, 'cause I don't like worrying that I have a tumor or something.

awesome apple pie recipe

Hey how is everyone doing? It's The Haiku Master here, continuing to "blog" correctly with an awesome apple pie recipe that I'd like to share with you! Grab a pen and paper, 'cause I know you're going to want this for later. The holidays are coming after all, and nothing says "Festivus" like hot apple pie. Except Feats of Strength. But F.o.S. are a little too action-packed to discuss on a "blog," so maybe we should stick to the apple pie. Okay, here we go:

Apple Pie Is SO Awesome LOL!

INGREDIENTS

• Apples
• Flour
• Sugar
• Salt
• Butter
• Vegetable Shortening (not sure what this is)
• Water
• Nutmeg
• Cinnamon
• Oven
• Haiku-Bot

DIRECTIONS

1) Send the Haiku-Bot to the supermarket to pick up the non-Haiku-Bot, non-oven ingredients you'll need.

2) Make sure you have an oven; if not, send the Haiku-Bot to Home Depot to buy one.

3) Ask the Haiku-Bot to turn the ingredients into an apple pie for you. (IMPORTANT NOTE: Tell the Haiku-Bot to not include itself or the oven in the ingredients.)

In about an hour or so, you'll have an awesome apple pie. It goes great with ice cream... but it goes even better with good friends. And good friends is really what it's all about, right? Like my friend Old Man Winter. He's been kind of cranky the last couple of days, which makes me think he might have gone "off his meds" after we got back from Las Vegas. I hope not, but I guess we'll see. I really worry about that guy sometimes.

good news

Hey 'sup? It's me, The Haiku Master, bringing you some more "blog" the way "blogging" is supposed to be done. And guess what? I pooped today! Yay! I was pretty worried about it for awhile there. I mean, you never know what it means when you don't poop for five days. Could've been a tumor, or cancer, or lung disease, or poverty. Who knows? Either way, I don't have to worry about it anymore, 'cause I dropped what must've been a five-pound baby boy off at the pool not twenty minutes ago.

So what else did I do today? Let's see... I got out of bed this morning, then I took a shower. The Haiku-Bot made me some breakfast, then I went and played racquetball with Otis, the town drunk. That was pretty fun lol. We were doing the craziest stuff, like shooting the ball from between our legs, playing with our eyes closed, the works. Then we just kind of hung out and gabbed about stuff. You know: gas prices, the weather, good TV shows -- all the usual suspects.

I guess it's been a pretty good day, especially with the pooping and all. And I promise you there was no action; I know how you "blog" readers like your "blogs" to be action-free, and I'll keep on doing my best to live up to that expectation. Action drools, mundane details rule! LOL ;)~

sleepy time

Yeah, well, I'm pretty beat so I think I'm going to call it a night. You know? Hopefully I will have good dreams. Won't you hope that for me?

And if you're wondering, no, I still haven't pooped. Hopefully tomorrow. I'll let you know, promise!

seriously, why can't i poop?

Just so you guys know, I wasn't kidding about that last post. I really haven't pooped in five days. I don't think that's good. Is it? I'd ask the Haiku-Bot, but he's no use. What do robots know about pooping? :)'

I don't know I guess I will sleep on it tonight and maybe call a doctor tomorrow. OH! And geez, this new format for the ol' "blog" is really working out great, doncha think? I feel like a real "blogger" now, you know? (...wry smile...) OK XXXOOXX

i think i have the hang of it now

Hey. What's up? It's me, The Haiku Master. You know, just chilling. So look, I got a handle on this "blogging" thing faster than I thought I would, so I'm giving you a little taste of the new H.I. tonight. Man, I even had Shelton revamp the banner. It was sooooo wild lol!

I don't know though. I'm a little worried about the fact that I haven't pooped in five days. It might be cancer, might be a tumor. Who knows? Not me. Maybe I'll go see a doctor if I don't poop soon.

i've been going about this 'blogging' thing all wrong

Hoo-boy. Hi gang. It's me, The Haiku Master, and am I ever embarrassed -- for I just discovered I'm a true ignoramus when it comes to the ancient art of "blogging"!!!

That's right! For nearly a year, I've been using this site to thrill you with one gut-wrenching, totally true adventure after another... only to find "blogs" are usually used to keep perfect strangers up-to-date on life's most trivial minutiae! At least, that's what I've surmised after finally noticing and using that "Next Blog >>" button at the top right corner of this and every Haiku International web page. Take this one for example:

You see?! No action, no excitement, and certainly no bad craziness -- just a nice, wholesome slice-of-life vignette from an apparent chambermaid who likes to get drunk and talk about sheets with a good friend. Fun times indeed! On to our next contestant:

Hmm, maybe I was wrong about the "no adventure" aspect that you fine people have come to expect from "blogs"... for this one's packed with more heart-pounding heroism than one could reasonably be expected to shake a stick at! The writer and his companions got "wasted," he "squatted" someone named Gary -- a few times!! -- then wrestled a bit before passing out on the floor with his wife. Too lame? I think not, good sir! Nor too poorly written! Now for #3:

Huh. Well, two out of three go for the "no adventure" format, so I'll have to assume that's the accepted norm. But whatever this post lacks in pulse-poundingness is more than counterbalanced by the vast sums of unshakeable depression it brings to the table!

Needless to say, this visit to some of my Blogger.com neighbors has been an extremely eye-opening experience -- one that I plan to capitalize on with a bold new direction for the ol' "blog," starting tomorrow! Count on it!!

Best,

clowns don't change their greasepaint

Hello there, loyal readers. It's me, The Haiku Master, and do I ever have some frightening news: notorious super-villain Boss Clown is apparently up to his old tricks again, knocking over a doughnut shop in Everett, WA on October 19 (link goes to the highly respected Komo 1000 News)!

According to the report, "the robbers were "[i]n full clown make up with red noses..." and "forced [the owner's] wife to open the safe in the back room," "...[getting] away with $300-$400 before running out the back door." If that doesn't sound like a classic Boss Clown M.O., I don't know what does! And having matched wits with that fiend countless times in the past, the Pharaoh of 5-7-5 is in a unique position to know!

Criminal Mastermind Boss Clown In An Undated File Photo

Plus, he's more dangerous than ever now that he has a sidekick. So beware, non-rhyming poetry fans -- especially if you own a doughnut shop!!

Best,


----------------------
P.S. I'd go after Boss Clown, but my crimefighting jurisdiction doesn't extend to the state of Washington. (Mr. Sasquatch has that beat, and he's very territorial, believe you me!) But if B.C. makes the mistake of coming back to the Baltimore area, you have my assurance I'll be on him like white on rice.

shelton really earned his keep this week

Hidey-ho, 'ku believers! It's me, The Haiku Master, freshly returned from an ill-fated fishing expedition with a group of juvenile delinquents I like to call the "Haiku Street Irregulars"... only to find that H.I.'s Minister of Information updated the dickens out of the ol' "blog" while I was away!

H.I.'s Minister of Information, Shelton, Isn't The Sharpest Card In The Deck, But He Gets The Job Done

I mean, just look at the place! As if compiling my Big Vegas Caper into one complete edition wasn't enough, he also created a brand-new comic book cover for it! Then he went above-and-beyond by whipping up that swell new masthead... which will apparently be revamped on a more-or-less weekly basis with a different wide-angle action shot of yours truly!! Can you believe it?!?

And there's that other thing, below the masthead, which I'm technically not supposed to speak of per the terms of our pending application with the provider. So 'nuff said on that front!

Okay for now, fan club members -- time for the Sultan of Syllables to hit the shower in an attempt to rid himself of this infernal fish stink. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the fruits of Shelton's labor!

Best,

why don't they just hire hoagy carmichael to play james bond?

Howdy folks. It's the object of your affection, The Haiku Master, taking a night off from patrolling the mean streets of Baltimore to catch up on my entertainment news... and just now learning that the slumlords who own the James Bond franchise have once again taken a wrong turn!

Daniel Craig Was Hired To Play Bond...

The mistake I'm referencing is the recent hiring of relatively unknown actor Daniel Craig as the sixth "official" movie James Bond. Notable for being the first "Blonde Bond" and first "Name Like A DC Comics Character Bond," Craig is sure to bring depth and passion to the role... but what he won't bring is a striking resemblance to Hoagy Carmichael!!!

...But Hoagy Carmichael Was Born To Play Bond

Don't worry, I know what you non-007-philes are thinking: "But The Haiku Master! What does looking like Hoagy Carmichael have to do with playing the world's premier secret agent?!"

And I say to you: Everything! For as Vesper tells Mathis in Ian Fleming's debut 007 novel, Casino Royale: "He is very good looking. He reminds me rather of Hoagy Carmichael..."

Need I -- or Ian Fleming -- say more? Hopefully those Hollywood halfwits will get it right next time and hire the real deal. It's not like Hoagy's getting any younger!

Best,

time magazine doesn't know from good novels

Hi kids. It's me, The Haiku Master, taking a break from my in-development Big Vegas Caper to bring your attention to a very disheartening development: TIME Magazine's highly suspect list of the All-Time 100 Novels!

How Does One Compile An All-Time 100 Novels List Without Finding Room For Hunter Thompson's Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (Shown), Amongst Others?

Picked by "TIME Critics Lev Grossman and Richard Lacayo" -- a.k.a. two guys the Sultan of Syllables has never heard of -- this so-called list pretends to pinpoint "the 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to the present." And while I'll admit there are some good choices amongst the many white elephants, it should be noted that a large section of that crop's cream got left on the cutting room floor!

At any rate, and using the same criteria as TIME, here are 19 novels and three "graphic novels" (a fancy word for comic book, and included to complement TIME's Watchmen endorsement) we at Haiku International feel should have been included, presented in alphabetical order. I've only read the comics, but H.I.'s Minister of Information claims to have read the real books and assures me they are the bee's knees.

So without further adieu, here's H.I.'s All-Time 22 Novels That Should Have Made TIME's List Of All-Time 100 Novels:

• The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
• Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
• Casino Royale, Ian Fleming
• The Collector, John Fowles
• A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy O'Toole
• Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson
• A Feast of Snakes, Harry Crews
• Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
• The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
• The Godfather, Mario Puzo
• Grendel, John Gardner
• Ham on Rye, Charles Bukowski
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
• The Invisibles, Grant Morrison & Various
• Libra, Don DeLillo
• Misery, Stephen King
• Preacher, Garth Ennis & Steve Dillon
• Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
• Transmetropolitan, Warren Ellis & Darick Robertson
• The Wanderers, Richard Price
• Wise Blood, Flannery O'Connor

Some may argue, but they are wrong. So sayeth I... The Haiku Master!!!

Best,

it's okay gang, i took care of business

How's it shaking, folks? Well lemme tell ya are ya ever in for a surprise, 'cause this ain't the Haiku Master talking to ya, and it ain't that schlub Haikunestro either; it's me, lovable star of film and television Joey Bishop!!!

What A Mug, Huh? That's Me, Joey Bishop!

Ya better believe it -- me, the last surviving member of the Rat Pack! I know what yer thinking: "Joey, as someone who follows yer career very closely, I know yer still alive and all, but ain't ya a very old man? Is it safe for ya to be movin' around and 'blogging' and all that?"

So I says to ya, "Hey, I'm no old man -- I'm the Joey Bishop from 1960! Footloose, fancy-free and rarin' to cock-a-doodle-doo all night long!! How do ya like them apples?"

Which of course makes ya say, "I like 'em a lot Joey, but how could ya be the Joey Bishop from 1960? It's 2005 for Pete's sake!"

To be honest, I ain't real sure. It has something to do with some theory that matter can't be destroyed or created, so when that Haiku Master friend of yers got sent back to 1960, I got sent here to 2005 as a make-good. At least, that's what the Perfessor I met at the modern day Las Vegas Hilton said to me, if I'm remembering it right. He also told me that Haikunestro creep was behind it all, so I beat tracks over here to Castle Haiku as fast as I could and gave that lame-o some of the ol' ring-a-ding-ding!

I guess that's it. Time for me to hightail it back to Vegas, so I don't miss my temporal ride back home! Yowza, that wouldn't be good -- no way to get a doctor to touch up the x-rays on that one!

Good night folks,

Joey Bishop

a joke for all you doofuses

Heh. Hi stooges. Yes, it's me again. Haikunestro. And I've got a joke that's perfect for this crowd:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Dumbasses.

Dumbasses who?

Dumbasses who read Haiku International.

HAW-HAW!!!

Worst,

haiku is for morons

Bad news, bitches. Looks like your so-called hero, the Haiku Mayoinnaise-Eater, still hasn't figured out a way to untemporally displace himself from 1960. Which means you're stuck with me, Haikunestro, for another night!

Better still, I've also taken the liberty of ensconcing myself at the place once referred to by my asinine arch-foe as "Castle Haiku" -- henceforth to be known as Castle Haikunestro!! I must admit, Haiku Head was right when he said his sanctum sanctorum was better than mine... but now his is mine and he's trapped in the past with none! Advantage: Haikunestro! Mwa-ha! Mwa-ha!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

With The Haiku Master In 1960, Haikunestro Is Living It Up At Castle Haiku, Er, Castle Haikunestro

But enough of that. You people are boring me. Go do something useful, like serve as cannon-fodder in Iraq.

Worst,

suck it, haiku fans

Hi there, dipshits. No, this isn't your old buddy, your old pal, your old friend the Haiku Masturbator. It's me -- Haikunestro.

I, Haikunestro

That's right, idiots. You probably came here looking for the eighth chapter in my dimwitted nemesis' so-called Vegas venture. Well, guess what? I temporally displaced his ass all the way back to 1960, which means you're not getting any of his nonsense tonight. Boo-frikkin-hoo.

Instead -- thanks to my well-above average computer hacking abilities -- you get the greatness that is me telling the lowness that is you that you're not doing yourself or the world any favors by encouraging that cabbage-headed cretin. I mean, come on; the guy's borderline retarded. Laughing at his stuff is like laughing at the antics of a classroom full of Down's Syndrome kids. Which I personally find enjoyable, but I'm a high-profile professional super-villain. You people, on the other hand, have no excuse.

So that's that. Go find a collective life, you losers.

Worst,


----------------------
P.S. Yes you yahoos, I do realize I temporally displaced your ill-advised choice of hero more than two weeks ago, and am only now hijacking his "blog." Maybe this is due to my aforementioned mad computer hacking skills, or perhaps it means Haiku Head never made it back from the past. Guess you'll have to wait and see. It's not like anyone who visits this site has anything better to do.

new fan mail address for all you fans

Great news, kids! It's me, The Haiku Master, and thanks to good people at Verizon, my Internet connection is now akin to the greasiest of greased lightning! Which means they shall henceforth be known as Verizon: The Official Internet Service Provider of The Haiku Master!!!

James Earl Jones (Right) Personally Welcomed The Haiku Master To Verizon

That's right! After years of dealing with dial-up, the one true Pharaoh of 5-7-5 now does his "web surfing" with a nice, fast DSL connection -- and frankly, I couldn't be happier! The one downside is that H.I.'s Minister of Information had to spend the whole afternoon setting up Verizon email addresses for all of us... but luckily enough, thehaikumaster@verizon.net hadn't been claimed before I got my hands on it!

I know, I know; I can barely believe it was still available, either!

So there you have it; when you're dying to drop me a line, drop it to my spanking new email address, which has also been added to the handy "Fan Mail" link on the right-hand side of this page. Tell 'em I sent you... me, The Haiku Master!!!

Best,

a moment of silence for nipsey russell

Heavens to Murgatoid! It's me, The Haiku Master, and I don't know if it's something in the air, but yet another cool person has up and died on us... and this time it was our nation's Poet Laureate, Nipsey Russell (link goes to Los Angeles' ABC affiliate)!

R.I.P. Poet Laureate Nipsey Russell: 1924-2005

Poet, game show contestant, professional celebrity: had he been able to free himself of that juvenile need for rhyming, he might have even made a fine Haiku Master. But he chose to go his own way, and who are we to question the results?

Unfortunately, this means our so-called President now gets to pick the next Poet Laureate, on top of his two-pack of Supreme Court appointees! Is there no justice?! No, no -- don't dwell on the bad; dwell on the good. And what better way to celebrate the goodness that was Nipsey than with one of his prize-winning poems?

Beauty's only skin-deep
But ugly's clear to the bone.
Beauty often fades away,
But ugly holds its own.

Truer words have rarely been spoken. Goodnight, and god bless.

Best,

can't stop jodie foster's signal

Greetings friends! 'Tis I, The Haiku Master, taking a little break from my Big Vegas Caper to do a victory dance -- for try as he might, wannabe-Roddenberry Joss Whedon couldn't unseat America's reigning queen of moviemaking, my beloved Jodie Foster (link goes to The Hollywood Reporter)!

Ahh, If Only She Were Holding Cabbage: The Haiku Master Loves Jodie Foster, But Not In A Creepy John Hinckley, Jr. Kind Of Way

That's right! As of this morning, the weekend box office total saw Foster's Flightplan earn $14.8 million, while Whedon's Serenity only gained a paltry $10.1 million! What's more, Flightplan was in its second week of release, while Serenity was a brand new addition to your local cineplex; talk about star power!!

All of which proves my longstanding theory: movie audiences love Jodie Foster! Not as much as the Sultan of Syllables does, mind you, but they love her all the same.

So let this stand as a lesson to you big-shot Hollywood producers -- if you want a major hit on your hands, make sure Jodie Foster's name comes above the title on the poster. Otherwise, you're gunning for Second Place City... or worse!

Best,