anyone know a good florida-based attorney?

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‘FREE PAULO,’ CHAPTER I

Ooooh boy. Hi friends. It's me, The Haiku Master, and there is an extreme cloud of guilt hanging o'er my brow tonight.

As longtime fans and anyone who watches the evening news will remember, I undertook an epic journey through darkest Mexico back in early February. While there, I made a new ally in a local cockfighting* expert by the name of Paulo; a swarthy fellow of few words who now serves as one of my most trusted agents.

Paulo, Agent Of Haiku

Thanks to Paulo, my time in that savage land included three weeks on its championship cockfighting circuit -- an eye-opening experience, to say the least. After witnessing firsthand the tequila-esque popularity enjoyed by the Sport of Kings in Mexico, I decided it was high time to introduce that beloved pastime to my own country.

Unfortunately, it would appear The Man beat me to it, as cockfighting is currently outlawed in forty-eight states. Forty-eight!

Undaunted, I had my attorney, Johnnie Cochran, draft the necessary paperwork to bring the Confederation of Championship Cockfighting Professionals - United States into legal existence. One phone call to Paulo later and the CCCP-US had its first Commissioner, who quickly went about setting up franchises in Louisiana and New Mexico.

This Ad Was Part Of A Full-Scale Media Blitz Announcing The Arrival Of The CCCP-US In New Mexico And Louisiana
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The cockfighting-friendly states secured, Paulo and I decided to tackle Florida, as it struck us as being one of a handful of localities that might reconsider their backwards thinking on the subject. If I'd only known then what I know now...

There's no easy way around this, loyal readers, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: as a direct result of our ill-advised expansion strategy, Paulo has been jailed (link goes to Florida's "News 6")!

That's right. Brave, loyal Paulo, rotting away in some godforsaken prison. Which, from what he tells me, is partially submerged in three feet of swamp water and infested with crocodiles. Naturally, I feel horrible about this...but not so horrible as to set foot in the state of Florida until the ridiculous bench warrant they've issued for me has been cleared up.

To make matters worse, Johnnie tells me he's not licensed to practice law down there. So if anyone can recommend a good Mickey State lawyer, they'll have the undying thanks of Paulo and the Pharaoh of 5-7-5 alike.

---CLICK HERE FOR 'FREE PAULO' PT. II---
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* Get your minds out of the gutters. I'm talking about the Sport of Kings, not some weird sex thing.

P.S. Talk about adding insult to injury -- my Minister of Information just sent word that New Mexico's House of Representatives has passed a ban on cockfighting by a 50-15 margin! Hopefully, my well-paid "friends" in New Mexico's Senate will stay true to their word (links go to various high-profile news outlets).