Sunday, October 22, 2006

getting the band back together is proving difficult

Come on in, kids. It's your old friend, The Haiku Master, but I'm feeling a little glum... 'cause I'm having very little luck getting firm commitments to future adventures from formerly staunch Haiku International agents and associates!

I know, I can hardly believe it myself! The nerve of those bums -- now I know how Jesus felt in the garden of Gethsemane! At any rate, here's a run-down of what some of the more notable ones say they're too busy doing to help me out if I find myself in a pinch:

Paulo: Running a cockfighting academy in Pescados Muertos, Mexico. Think Han's island in Enter the Dragon, only replace "Han" with "Paulo," "island" with "bombed-out Mexican village," and "kung fu" with "cockfighting," and you'll get the idea.

Professor de la Groove: Doing tantric research aboard the International Space Station, along with some call girls and his assistants Ralphus and Malphus. Not scheduled to return to Earth until mid-2007.


Ralphus







Malphus







Texas Kelly: Managing an up-and-coming "boy band" down in Austin, TX, with the help of his longtime sidekick/Bizarro Bush clone, Dubya. He says the band, Young Taint, has superstardom in their grasp, and he can't leave them alone at this juncture without fear of some other manager stealing them away.

Dubya







Angelina Jolie: Bitch shacked up with Brad Pitt, in case you hadn't heard. Pitt can have my sloppy seconds for all I care -- I've got my eye on Scarlett Johansson these days, anyway. Besides, I've never viewed a houseful of adopted street urchins as desireable.

So there you have it. Good thing the Haiku-Bot and new H.I. operative Brother Ko are onhand to get my back if things get hairy. Ooh, not to mention the Haiku Street Irregulars. I wonder what those scamps are up to, anyway? Guess I'll leave a bottle of hooch out by the trash cans and see how many show up. Those kids sure love their liquor.

Best,

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