clarence worley can grope anyone he damn well pleases

Greetings, fan club members. It's me, The Haiku Master, reporting from a world that tipped a little further into madness today -- for accomplished thespian Christian Slater has been charged with sexual abuse, all for groping a lush feminine behind while in a drunken stupor (link goes to Reuters)!

From Left: Christian Slater Gropes A Rightfully Appreciative Patricia Arquette On The Set Of True Romance

That's right! The star of True Romance, Heathers, and uh, hmmm, yes, and uh... and many other fine films, branded a criminal over some garden-variety drunk guy behavior! Unfathomable! I mean, such noted celebs as Bill Cosby, Marv Albert, Rick James, Liza Minelli, Bill Clinton, Fatty Arbuckle, and countless more have based their entire careers on such antics, and you don't see them facing legal action!

What's that? Really? Even Arbuckle? You don't say...

Friends, Haiku International's Minister of Information just informed me that all of the above have in fact faced legal action over such antics. But that's not even the point. The point is, Slater played Clarence Worley, which means Slater can do just about anything he wants.

Case. Closed.

Okay for now, kids. Time for me to suit up for my nightly patrol of Charm City -- all that crime isn't going to fight itself, that's for sure!

Best,


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P.S. Needless to say, Slater can grope all the asses he wants in Baltimore, without fear of reprisal from the Sultan of Syllables. A drunken goose is no crime in my book!