it's fun to stay at the ymca

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‘XENU AND ME,’ CHAPTER VII

Greetings, adventure seekers! It's me, The Haiku Master, just chilling at a Baltimore-area YMCA following my escape from the clutches of Scientology. And let me tell you, the "Y" isn't just a great place to stay when you're on the lam -- it's also a great place to meet exciting, on-the-go people!

The Haiku Master (Far Right) Hanging Out With His New Friends At The YMCA

That's right! Why, in the past day alone I've made the acquaintance of a police officer, a soldier, a construction worker, a motorcycle enthusiast, a cowboy, and a Native American Indian! Not to mention a wild-eyed morphine addict, a slovenly immigrant family, and more stumble-drunks than one could reasonably be expected to shake a stick at!

Talk about experiencing different cultures -- living here is like going to Epcot, only without the long lines! Unless you count the one outside the building's sole bathroom. Still, it's a pretty sweet deal!

Okay for now, friends; time for the Pharaoh of 5-7-5 to join the aforementioned bathroom line. I don't really have to go right now, but by the time it'll be my turn, who knows?

---CLICK HERE FOR 'XENU AND ME' PT. VIII---

free at last

***
‘XENU AND ME,’ CHAPTER VI

Rejoice, 'ku believers! It's me -- the real me -- The Haiku Master, back with an extremely important message: avoid the so-called "Church" of Scientology at all cost!! Your life and/or sanity may very well depend on it!

As for me, I just escaped from one of their fiendish "intensive auditing" camps. After a daring getaway, I returned to my top secret base of operations... only to find it compromised by a cheap robot version of yours truly! No trouble there, though. Stealing a page from ol' Captain Kirk's playbook, I busted out some spurious logic and totally fried the tin-plated bastard's brain in seconds flat!

The Haiku Master Learned How To Short-Circuit Robots By Watching Star Trek Reruns

Alas, even with the dastardly Haiku-Bot out of the picture, my longtime HQ is no longer secure. So I'm putting it up for sale, and am officially in the market for a new top secret base of operations in the Baltimore suburbs! In the meantime, I'll be laying low at a safe house (read: room at an undisclosed YMCA--ed.). But don't worry: my trusty TRS-80 SuperMobile Computer is in my possession, so I'll be able to stay in touch while I'm "underground!"

Okay for now, fan club members -- time for the Sultan of Syllables to wolf down a sausage pizza and pint of whiskey before making his nightly patrol. Be sure to heed my warning about those kooky Scientologists! I'd hate to hear about any of you being replaced by low-rent 'droids with bad comma-use programs. You deserve better!

---CLICK HERE FOR 'XENU AND ME' PT. VII---
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P.S. Want to read what some former Scientologists have to say about Hubbard's cult? Visit www.xenu.net today!

P.P.S. Please disregard the last three posts, as they were all made or altered by the Haiku-Bot. I'd delete them, but crimefighting and haiku writing don't leave much free time for learning advanced computerology.