tom cruise is cool and he is my friend

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‘XENU AND ME,’ CHAPTER V

Hello truth, seekers. I am, the Mr. Haiku Master and tonight I, want to tell you, about my close personal, friend Mr. World Famous Movie Star Tom Cruise.

The New, Improved Haiku Master And Matinee Idol Tom Cruise Wow Passers-by At A Scientology Center

Yes that, Mr. Tom Cruise. The star of The Firm Top, Gun Rain, Man Cocktail and many. Others. I the, Hero of Haiku will even, be the best, man when he marries my other close personal, friend Ms. Katie, Holmes. Take it from me they, hump like rabbits all the time and they, are like lust-crazed Olympian gods in the sack you, can believe that.

Also I, would like to say that Mr. Tom Cruise is the, coolest dude currently, on earth. He is, not as cool as Commodore, Hubbard of course but, he comes pretty. Close. You should go see, his new movie! It is, called War of the Worlds and, Mr. Tom Cruise fights aliens, in it something, he is very well prepared for.

You, should also see Ms. Katie, Holmes' new movie Batman, Begins. It is, about a man who eschews, the lies of psychiatry and, finds the super human, within. Just like me and, my friends in Scientology! That is why, we are so happy like, Mr. Batman!

Time, for me to go I have, a lot of crimefighting, to do tonight. Good thing, I have Scientology and, my friendship with, Mr. Tom Cruise to keep, me safe. You, should look into Scientology! You will, be so, happy you will not believe, it! Visit us at, www.scientology.org, today okay! That's what, I say! I am... the Mr. Haiku Master!

---CLICK HERE FOR 'XENU AND ME' PT. VI---

i'm a believer

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‘XENU AND ME,’ CHAPTER I

Peace unto you, friends. Sorry about the nearly week-long gap since my last post, but I, The Haiku Master, just had a life-changing experience -- I've joined the one-and-only Church of Scientology!

The Haiku Master's Lord And Savior, L. Ron Hubbard

It was really only a matter of time before a noted crimefighter like yours truly teamed with the celebrity's religion of choice. Now, after a week of strenuous "auditing," I'm a member in good standing! That's right! Me, the Sultan of Syllables, rubbing shoulders with such luminaries as Chick Corea, Kirstie Alley, and Danny Masterson, not to mention Hollywood heavyweights Tom Cruise and John Travolta! Can you believe it?!

My one concern is the frantic rate at which my new spiritual leaders pass the collection plate. In fact, my petty cash reserves are bone dry after just five sessions with my "case worker!" Still and all, it seems to be well worth the cost; I've never felt more disoriented in my life! And that's coming from a man who once drank a gallon jug of Rebel Yell whiskey while riding the teacups at Disney World!

Okay for now -- I'm off to read L. Ron Hubbard's ecumenical treatise, Dianetics, in preparation for next week's coursework. Plenty of updates to come as my spiritual journey continues, I'm sure!

---CLICK HERE FOR 'XENU AND ME' PT. II---