pope john paul II, master of breakdancing: rest in peace

Rejoice 'ku believers, for I, The Haiku Master, am more or less free of the grasp of the insidious video game which has sapped my strength and attention for the past week-plus! Now, stop rejoicing and start mourning -- 'cause my close, personal friend Pope John Paul II has said his last Hail Mary!!

This is truly a devastating loss, loyal readers. For The Deuce (as his close, personal friends called him) was more than just the frontman for the Holy Roman Catholic Empire... he was also Earth's foremost authority on the ancient art of breakdancing! In fact, many experts credit The Deuce's sublime breakdancing abilities with toppling communism, whatever that means.

The Haiku Master Once Got To Audit A Class At Pope John Paul II's Top Secret Breakdancing Dojo

Many tried, but none were ever able to match his mad skillz on the cardboard mat. With him gone, entire generations of future breakdancers will go without seeing firsthand The Deuce's gravity-defying headspin, and they will be poorer for it!

Okay, I'm off to bash out the long-awaited third chapter in "Drunk in the Heart of Texas." Try to stay out of trouble until then.

Best,

hold on paulo, help is on the way

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‘FREE PAULO,’ CHAPTER II

Greetings, 'ku believers! It's me, The Haiku Master, back with an update on my trusted agent, CCCP-US Commissioner Paulo, who's currently incarcerated in a Florida prison!

First and foremost, as you can see from this picture he's already making friends; that's his "a-mi-go" Alvarez on the left, and Guerra on the right. Paulo told me they're going to "slice up some crackers" tonight. I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds downright tasty!

Los Tres Amigos

Better still, I've figured out a surefire way of putting our shared legal troubles behind us forever. That's right -- I'm hosting the 1st Annual The Haiku Master's Celebrity Breakdancing Tournament at Baltimore's M&T Bank Stadium this weekend, with all proceeds going to the Free Paulo Fund!

And when I say "celebrity," I mean celebrity! So far, I have solid commitments from my old allies Dan "The Man, But In A Good Way" Marino and Flavor Flav, and such star-studded names as Iggy Pop, Scarlett Johansson, Chuck Palahniuk, Harrison Ford, Jenna Jameson, Antonio Banderas, Emmanuel Lewis, Flaming Carrot, and others are in the works. Can you say "drawing power," loyal readers? The Sultan of Syllables sure can!

My one regret is that my close, personal friend -- and world-renowned breakdancing expert -- Pope John Paul II won't be able to judge the competition, due to his ongoing health problems.

The Deuce (as his close, personal friends call him) once allowed me to sit in on a rather rigorous session at his top secret breakdancing dojo in Vatican City, and I was awed by his sublime knowledge of that ancient art. A true Yoda of the cardboard mat! Had he been available, he would've been the only judge required. As it is, I'm running with a four-person panel consisting of Lucinda Dickey, Adolfo Quinones, Michael Chambers, and Ice-T.

The Haiku Master Once Got To Audit A Class At Pope John Paul II's Top Secret Breakdancing Dojo

Regardless, I think it's going to be a huge success, and should easily raise enough money to get Paulo and myself off the hook as far as this whole cockfighting debacle goes. Wish me luck! In the meantime, I'll honor the Commish by keeping Johnny Paycheck's "Colorado Cool-Aid" in heavy rotation on my turntable.

Oh, and if you're looking for tickets to the big show -- and who wouldn't be? -- they're a very affordable, very non-refundable $50 each, with checks being made payable to my Minister of Information, Nate Shelton. Drop me a line at thehaikumaster@earthlink.net to order!

---CLICK HERE FOR 'FREE PAULO' PT. III---