star wars, nothing but star wars

Hi, friends! It's me, The Haiku Master, back at my top secret base of operations after a belated matinee viewing of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. And now that the, uh -- sectrilogy? -- is complete, I'm ready to give you something you've been demanding: Haiku International's Official Ranking of the Top 10 Events in Star Wars History!!!

You -- the weird kid in the back of the class. Be a doll and dim the lights, will you? Excellent. Okay, everybody ready? Then here we go:

#10: Han Solo jacks up the passenger fares for a pair of local yokels desperate to get off Tatooine. If you don't recognize an opportunity, you'll never take advantage of it. Han does both here.

A Worried Ben Kenobi Wonders Where He And Luke Will Get 17,000 Credits To Pay Off Captain Solo

#9: Han Solo chases a squad of Death Star Stormtroopers armed with nothing but his blaster and a big mouth. Sure, a trained Jedi could've done the same thing, but they have voodoo powers to keep them safe. Han just has what the French call "ze brass cahoneeze."

Better Run, Boys -- Crazy Han Solo's Coming!

#8: Han Solo punches Lando after his betrayal on Bespin. Han teaches the audience an important lesson in this scene: sometimes you have to take karma into your own hands.

Watch Out, Han -- Lando's Probably Going To Slap You In The Face, Moe Howard-Style, As Soon As You Look Up!

#7: Han Solo tells off Jabba the Hutt before the crime lord tries to feed him to the Sarlacc. Talk about taking the wind out of a villain's sails! It's hard to look tough when an unarmed blind man calls you a slimy piece of worm-ridden filth!

That's Right, Fatboy, Han Called You A Slimy Piece Of Worm-Ridden Filth -- And Then His Girlfriend Killed You!

#6: Han Solo takes potshots at his would-be future father-in-law at their first meeting. Really, who hasn't wanted to do this to a date's father from time to time? A guy like Han doesn't just have fantasies; he acts on them.

"She'll Be Back When I Feel Like Bringing Her Back, You Fascist Bastard!"

#5: Han Solo calls C-3P0 "Goldenrod." Ha ha. Suck it, you overly stiff robot!

Darth Vader Makes Uncool 'Droids

#4: Han Solo successfully navigates an asteroid field. The odds may have been 3,720-to-1, but that's no sweat to a smooth operator like Han -- full-speed ahead!

Giant Asteroids Are All In A Day's Work For Captain Solo And The Millennium Falcon

#3: Han Solo comes back in the nick of time to save Luke's ass at the Battle of Yavin. Yeah, yeah, Luke blows up the Death Star, but if Han hadn't taken out those last three TIE Fighters, Luke would've died, the Rebel Alliance would've been destroyed, and evil would've ruled forever. Who's the hero now, you blonde pseudo-Jedi!

Han Got The Glory And The Reward In Star Wars, While Luke Just Got The Glory

#2: Han Solo's girlfriend, Princess Leia, wears a metal slave bikini. Va-va-va-voom!

Jedi Gave Us Slave Leia; Sith Gave Us Pregnant Padmé

#1: Han Solo shoots Greedo in cold blood. 'Nuff said.

This Image Comes From A Bizarre Alternate Universe Where Greedo Shot First (Censored To Protect Readers' Sanity)

So there you have it -- the Pharaoh of 5-7-5's take on the best-ever Star Wars moments! Some may disagree, but they are wrong. So sayeth I... The Haiku Master!

Best,