why don't they just hire hoagy carmichael to play james bond?

Howdy folks. It's the object of your affection, The Haiku Master, taking a night off from patrolling the mean streets of Baltimore to catch up on my entertainment news... and just now learning that the slumlords who own the James Bond franchise have once again taken a wrong turn!

Daniel Craig Was Hired To Play Bond...

The mistake I'm referencing is the recent hiring of relatively unknown actor Daniel Craig as the sixth "official" movie James Bond. Notable for being the first "Blonde Bond" and first "Name Like A DC Comics Character Bond," Craig is sure to bring depth and passion to the role... but what he won't bring is a striking resemblance to Hoagy Carmichael!!!

...But Hoagy Carmichael Was Born To Play Bond

Don't worry, I know what you non-007-philes are thinking: "But The Haiku Master! What does looking like Hoagy Carmichael have to do with playing the world's premier secret agent?!"

And I say to you: Everything! For as Vesper tells Mathis in Ian Fleming's debut 007 novel, Casino Royale: "He is very good looking. He reminds me rather of Hoagy Carmichael..."

Need I -- or Ian Fleming -- say more? Hopefully those Hollywood halfwits will get it right next time and hire the real deal. It's not like Hoagy's getting any younger!

Best,