super exciting new endorsement deal
Get ready to be thrilled, loyal readers, for I just signed a lucrative contract to be the celebrity crimefighter spokesperson for Yahoo!: The Official Internet "Search Engine" of The Haiku Master!
Yahoo!: The Only Internet "Search Engine" Endorsed By The Haiku Master
That's right -- the Cadillac of 'net surfboards and the Pharaoh of 5-7-5, teaming up to tame the wild frontier of the World Wide Web! Can you believe it?!
As to my reasons for giving my stamp of approval to Yahoo! as opposed to, say, Google, they are twofold. First and foremost, there's the large pile of cash that's going to keep Castle Haiku's pantries well-stocked with whiskey and snack cakes for some time to come. That alone carries some serious weight -- weight that Google wasn't willing to match!
Not to be overlooked, however, is the shockingly different ways in which both sites process a search for "The Haiku Master." At Google, I grew a beard scanning through all the pages it took until Haiku International showed up... but I sure got an eyeful of Basho and Buson listings in the meantime! Even some college kid's term paper on how to write a haiku! Talk about a lack of respect!
Yahoo!, on the other hand, has me on page 1, listing #6. Clearly, they have their priorities in order.
So take it from me, kids -- if you want to find something online without being led on a wild goose chase by a pack of incompetent boobs, put your trust in Yahoo!. I know I do, and I'm happier, healthier and sexier as a result! Yahoo!!
Best,
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P.S. Haiku International's Minister of Information just alerted me to the fact that Google actually owns this whole Blogger.com outfit, which means they might shut me down at any minute once this post goes live. If Haiku International disappears, please alert Sam Donaldson. And the UCLA!
3 comments:
Haiku Master,
I fear that Google may not be the only company looking to destroy you! I have true, inside information that the Jack Daniels corporation may sue you for a "breach of contract" in regards to your endorsement of George Dickel brand whiskey.
Expect an announcement to be made within the next day.
Also, Captain Walrus can suck on my shit.
Sincerely,
Stan "the Can" Marino
Representative of the Shrimpstain Estate
Thanks for the warning, Stan, but I certainly don't fear Jack Daniels -- not after they turned their once-proud whiskey into a kiddie cocktail by dropping its proof to 80 last year. And the Sultan of Syllables does not drink kiddie cocktails!
Which is exactly why George Dickel is the only whiskey endorsed by The Haiku Master! Though Old Grand-dad has made some very tempting offers of late.
Best,
The Haiku Master
p.s. Please leave all bad-mouthing of Captain Walrus at the door. While I understand the two of you have your differences, he's an Honored Friend of this site, and any disrespect thrown his way in my house shall not be taken lightly!
Again I must thank you for your staunch support, Haiku Master. I sense dark times ahead and I feel I'm going to need all of the allies I can get.
Until next time,
This is Captain Walrus signing off!
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