war: what is it good for?

Greetings, 'ku believers. 'Tis I, The Haiku Master, ready at last to expound on the conflict that has arisen between one of the 260th century's greatest heroes, Captain Walrus of the Universe, and the imbecelic toads who have hijacked the estate of Walrus' longtime ally, Cap'n Shrimpstain.

Know this: the so-called man purporting to be Stan Marino, non-existent brother of Dan Marino, is a fraud! In actuality, his name is Zander Schloss, and he was the bass player for the now defunct punk group known as the Circle Jerks. Shocking, I know... yet all too real!!

Zander Schloss: Better Bass Player Than Human Being

Embittered by his band's inability to get a gold record -- and his own inability to get a non-paid-for date -- Schloss time-traveled to the 260th century with a fistful of false documentation. After convincing the locals he was in fact related to legendary NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback Dan "The Man" Marino, Schloss then weaseled his way into a position of power in the Shrimpstain Memorial Foundation -- and shortly thereafter used that beloved legacy to launch a two-front war against myself and Walrus!

While Walrus and I had planned to band together to thwart Schloss' mad scheme, the Sultan of Syllables is a busy man. And frankly, I don't have time for any of that 260th century nonsense... not when there are plenty of criminal enterprises to tackle right here in good ol' 2005! As a result, I'm withdrawing all resources from that far-flung battle, so as to better focus my energies on you fine people.

So good luck to you, Captain Walrus, but I'll thank you to leave me out of your troubles in the future. You certainly don't see me knocking on your door every time I need to kill a rat, do you?

Best,