god save bobby fischer

Raise the roof, gentle readers, for the deal went down earlier today: those bastards in Japan proved just how long America's money leash is by agreeing to deport Chess Grandmaster Bobby Fischer to the U.S. for prosecution (link goes to BBC News)!

And I, The Haiku Master, do hereby call "bullshit" on that spineless decision.

Hero To Hunted: Bobby Fischer, Then And Now

First and foremost, the Grandmaster's only crime (outside of his vicious, self-loathing anti-Semitism, which I can't endorse, and overall craziness, which I'll gladly endorse) is playing a game of chess. That's right -- Uncle Sam wants to put a Chess Grandmaster in prison for playing chess. The historic '92 Fischer-Spassky Match, no less. What made the match criminal in the eyes of The Man is the fact that it was played in Yugoslavia to the tune of $3 million... thereby technically breaking a then-U.S. trade embargo against a country that doesn't even exist anymore.

For this, Fischer faces a $250,000 fine and/or 10 years in prison. At the age of 62, mind you.

Seems pretty silly, no? Some gratitude for a man who was his own 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team when he whipped the living shit out of Boris Spassky during their first first meeting in '72, bringing the World Championship Title in Chess back to the U.S. after decades of Soviet control. Chess still meant something back then, and Fischer was rightly hailed as a national hero. Thirty years later, against the same opponent, in the same general part of the world, and he's labeled a blackguard of the worst sort.

Fischer (Right) Was Hailed As A National Hero For Beating The Weirdly Bouffanted Spassky (Left) In 1972

What makes the plot even thicker is that George H.W. Bush was President at the time of Fischer's alleged transgression. For the next eight years, the Justice Department gave exactly two turds as to the location of the Grandmaster. Fast forward to 2001 -- the year George "Dubya" Bush stepped into office -- and "Searching for Bobby Fischer" suddenly becomes a top priority.

Because, you know, with corporate crime all but wiped out in America, might as well shift resources towards putting a 62-year-old man in prison. For playing chess.

Could it be the '92 match embarrassed the elder Bush? Did he take it as a personal slight? Did Dubya's administration go after Fischer to avenge his daddy's honor, the way he did with Saddam Hussein, Tommy Chong, and Johnny Carson?

Hmm? Hmmmmm? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Is Some Kind Of Twisted G.W.B. Daddy-Revenge Fantasy Driving The Federal Government's Zeal To Put Fischer In Jail?

Honestly, I wouldn't know, as I'm more of a crimefighter and haiku writer than political expert. But I do know bullshit when I smell it. Write your congressmen, 'ku believers; this situation must not stand!

Best,


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UPDATE: Here's a couple of swell sites where you can learn more about the rise and fall of Grandmaster Fischer: his Wikipedia listing, and BobbyFischer.net -- a privately maintained forum devoted to all things Fischer, up to and including detailed diagrams of his matches.