world of the dogs, pt. II

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CHAPTER II

"I said 'get,' ape!" the last dog repeated, waving his paws at me. "Am-scray!"

"All right, that's just about enough of...," I started.

"Sweet mother of Marmaduke!" another dog barked, clearly shocked. "It spoke! The hairless ape spoke!"

"Of course I spoke. Speak. You know -- talk. But look, that's not even the point! What the hell do you dogs think you're doing in my--!"

"Get him, boys!," the biggest of the dogs shouted. "Doctor Poindexter'll pay through the snout for a freak of nature like this!"

In an instant, the pack was on me! I'd be lying if I said I didn't put up a good fight -- Cobra Kai Haikung Fu is nothing to sneeze at, after all -- but in the end their sheer numbers won the day. And as if being bested in battle wasn't bad enough, their teeth and claws made short order of my fine crimefighter garb, leaving me in naught but my socks, Ziggy boxer shorts, and Vans: The Official Sneaker Of The Haiku Master!

Vans: The Only Sneaker Endorsed By The Haiku Master

After tying a leash -- a leash!! -- 'round my neck, my attackers hussled me out to a dog-sized jalopy parked on the street outside. Me, the one true Sultan of Syllables! Can you believe it?!

"You'll never get away with this!" I said. "If nothing else, my attorney Johnnie Cochran will sue you for everything you're worth!"

"Shut yer meat hole, freak," my leash-handler growled back, "or we'll muzzle it!"

"De-yuh, where we gonna put him, Rover?" asked one of the smaller dogs. "He's too big to fit inside the car."

"Catland, I don't know," Rover replied as he opened the driver's side door and slid behind the wheel. "Throw it in the trunk."

In the trunk I went, and we were soon headed towards whatever mind-bending situation awaited me next. One thing was clear -- I was either suffering from a serious case of alcohol poisoning, or had somehow wound up on some bizarre parallel universe that had truly gone to the dogs!!!

If it's the former, I will of course need immediate medical attention.

---CLICK HERE FOR 'WORLD OF THE DOGS' PT. III---