hunter better have a good goddamn explanation for this

Hello, readers. It's me again -- The Haiku Master -- still extremely distraught over the apparent suicide of one of America's great literary treasures, Hunter Stockton* Thompson.

It just doesn't make sense. H.S.T. was a legendary warrior, possessed of an indomitable free spirit and unbreakable iron will. He relished his own weirdness too much to remove it from the picture prematurely -- hell, he was the man who coined the phrase, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." Which really only leaves three explanations:

Nobody This Weird Kills Himself Without Good Reason

1) The government finally had him dead to rights, and was about to put him in prison for his remaining days;

2) He had recently been diagnosed with some kind of incurable, inoperable medical condition; or,

3) He has posthumously revealed himself to be the biggest bullshit writer of the 20th century.

Given that Thompson wouldn't have killed himself over Reason 1 until after a trial, that only leaves Reason 2. Because Reason 3 is just completely unacceptable, and will no doubt find him confined to a cage in Hell where a legion of betrayed, angry, former fans will beat him on the kidneys with branches 'til he pisses blood all day, every day, for the rest of time.

I'm sure it's Reason 2, though, or some variation of it. Come on -- this is Hunter Stockton Thompson we're talking about, after all. As his son, Juan, said in the official family statement to the Aspen Daily News, "He stomped terra."

Amen and selah to that.

Best,


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* Stockton, not "Stocton," as the widely reprinted AP report had it. Frikkin' amateur journalists.