putting rumors to rest

Greetings, friends. Following in the footsteps of other legendary crimefighters -- The Shadow, Fat Albert, Jesus, et al -- I, The Haiku Master, maintain a network of trusted operatives who assist me on my adventures from time to time.

Some of these agents, such as my man in Mexico, Paulo, work out of Haiku International satellite offices. Others, however, live in far greater proximity to The Haiku Master -- including my Minister of Information, Shelton.

In a very fortunate turn of events for him, Shelton does in fact bear a passing resemblance to yours truly. However, this has led Shelton's family, friends, acquaintances, and enemies to assume he is me, when nothing could be further from the truth. As these photos will prove:

The Haiku Master (Left) and Shelton: Not The Same Person

On the left is me, the Sultan of Syllables, while the one on the right is Shelton. The differences between us seem so obvious as to be grasped by a six-year-old, but let's make sure we're all on the same ball by going over them:

1) For reasons that are still unknown to me (having been abandoned by my biological parents in my infancy), I have a thick mane of cabbage for hair; Shelton has rapidly thinning hair for hair.

2) I prefer smoking jackets and ascots; Shelton prefers T-shirts.

3) Shelton wears contact lenses; I do not.

4) My face practically beams with whimsical intelligence; Shelton's clearly not the sharpest card in the deck.

So there you have it -- Shelton is not The Haiku Master, and I am not he.

Best,



p.s. Shelton, sorry to put an end to the "booty train" you've no doubt been enjoying over this mix-up, but I have many enemies, and your life would be in grave danger should people continue to think you're me.