journey into mexico, pt. IV

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CHAPTER IV

"Hey senór," Paulo said, as we passed unnoticed through the backstage doors. "I gotta use el cuarto de baño... ah, a bathroom."

"Not now, Paulo," I said. "They'll be here any second. Quick -- behind these boxes!"

Paulo and I took cover in the darkened hallway outside El Diablo's dressing room, waiting patiently for our prey to arrive. Within moments, my advanced Haiku Master hearing detected movement! I pounced like a jungle cat, making a diving tackle to bring down one of El Diablo's henchmen!

"Senór, what are you doing? Is me! Paulo!"

Peering closely at the face beneath me, I realized it was in fact my boon companion.

"Oh! Sorry about that, Paulo," I said, embarrassed. "Thought you were one of El Diablo's boys."

"No. Is me, Paulo. Now let me up. I told you, I have to use el cuarto de baño!"

"First of all, there's no time for a quart of anything. Second of all, it's pronounced 'ban-jo.' Now stop messing around!"

"¡Hey! ¿Quiénes son usted? ¿Qué usted está haciendo aquí?"

Uh oh, now we were in for it. El Diablo's gang had snuck up behind us while we were arguing! We were surrounded before I could even think about busting out some Haikung Fu, and soon found myself on the receiving end of the lead trainer's wagging finger. Behind him, another man cradled El Diablo in his arms -- El Diablo, the chicken* with bones of steel!

"¿Qué usted está haciendo?," the ringleader asked. "¿Le tienen sexo? ¡Eso es enfermo!"

"What's he saying, Paulo?" I whispered.

"You don't want to know, senór," he replied.

Behind me, the door to El Diablo's dressing room opened with a creak.

"Don't worry," I heard someone say. "If that's who I think it is, he's probably still a virgin."

"I know that voice..." I said. Indeed, how could I forget it? Could Batman forget The Joker's? Could Spider-Man forget the Green Goblin's? Could Green Lan...

Actually, let's skip that last one and cut to the chase. Long story short, the voice belonged to the vilest traitor in the history of the venerable Cobra Kai Haiku Order.

"That's right, doofus," he said. "It's me -- Haikunestro!"

---CLICK HERE FOR 'JOURNEY INTO MEXICO' PT. V---

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* Is no chicken, senórs y senóritas. Is cock.--Paulo